Hello and welcome to Alien Week at the Spew! In order to honor the opening of Independence Day 2, possibly the silliest, stupidest, guiltiest pleasure franchise in movie history, The Spew will have a week long dedication to all things alien.
On Sunday, we witnessed sports history as LeBron James and those other guys, I think it was Cleveland, won the NBA title versus a team that won a ton of games in Golden St.
My first reaction to this was ‘How can this be?’. I have watched many hours of the NBA this season and saw a Golden St team that was way better than Cleveland, a Golden St offense that scored at will, and a LeBron who looked like a man who was past his prime. I would have bet the mortgage Golden St would have won this series is 5.
So I was obviously wrong. But how can that be? I am never that absolutely wrong….well conditioning on the fact you don’t count those other times that I was that absolutely wrong in the past.
I have one explanation………………..
LeBron is an alien.
Now before you scoff, let me be clear. He is obviously not an ‘alien’ alien. I mean he has reproduced with humans (have 3 kids), obviously has human features like a human body and human face, and has assimilated in our human culture quite well.
However, did you see this?
That was not human.
In a league where each player has to be very tall, strong, and ridiculously athletic all at the same time, everyone is a bit alien in the NBA. But LeBron, well, he is the most alien.
Again, let’s be reasonable. He is not a true alien….but he is obviously not Carbon-based. Maybe Silicon-based? Maybe Mercury-based? Maybe even Unobtainium-based. And what percentage alien is he? Maybe half alien? A quarter? Two fifteenths? All I know is his alien/midichlorine cell count has to be higher than the average NBA player, that I would estimate at 10%.
The point is he is good at the basketball. He plays smart, plays hard, and doesn’t kick or punch others in the balls. It is pretty cool to see him and his ragtag crew (sans Kyrie) bring home a title to a great sports town like Cleveland. Lord knows the Browns or Indians will never do that. I am sure his family in Akron as well as his long lost father from Zymulax are very proud of him.