You Have Much Blandness, Young Grasshopper

So I went to a Mariners game this last Wednesday and ate some grasshoppers.

Wait!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s back up a bit.

At the beginning of the baseball season, a Mexican food stand in Safeco Field started to sell a new delicacy; seasoned grasshoppers. For only $4, you can feast on some of the finest, organic, free-range grasshoppers this side of the I-5 corridor. Seasoned with only the rarest of herbs and spices only found in the ‘Ethnic Foods’ aisle of the grocery store, you can be sure that these little nuggets of protein will give your taste buds a thrill. Granted, some smaller minds of our population may find this practice of eating insects as rather gross. And they are entitled to their bigoted, hateful views rooted in their ignorance and lack of openness to their definition of ‘food’. However the majority of the people in this progressive city do not share that acrimony. In fact, when this ‘alternative use of insects’ debuted in April, they all sold out immediately. Yes, Seattle loves their Mariners, they love their gay parades, they love their protests, and they love their grasshoppers. This story also became national news (well, if you call ESPN picking it up and posting this article on their website ‘national news’) and we can see that once again, Seattle is not a part of the zeitgeist; they create it! Naturally I had to try these things to see what is going on. Excited as I have ever been about eating anything with 5 or more legs, I had high expectations. Bad sign: never have high expectations. After searching for this Mexican place for about 15 minutes (yes, there are literally no signs or postings about where or if these grasshoppers are sold), I found their little kiosk in the corner of the left field side. I thought maybe there would be a huge line of people awaiting their ‘hopper fix’. Nah. Only about tow other in line, and they were waiting for burritos and tacos. After 30 seconds of waiting, I asked for some of that hopper goodness. The guy said ‘OK’ and handed me a small little pre-made plastic tube of…well…what you see above. Nevertheless, I was still excited about my new dietary choice, sprinted back to my seat, and was ready to indulge. And it went like this………… Meh. Yes. Only meh. As expected, the majority of the taste was the chili and lemon seasoning. The grasshopper had virtually no taste at all. Texture-wise, well crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, which again comes as no surprise for an exoskeletal creature. Again, the whole thing was meh. Not bad, but not great. This was probably the worst outcome for this. I mean if it was great, then we have a new snack at the ballgame, and for only$4! If it was awful, you can ridicule the entire idea and belittle everyone who bought these things before. But in this case, you get neither. Just a bunch of chili/lemon flavored protein in a little plastic tub.

Will I by them again? Probably not. Am I glad I tried it out? Yes, I like trying new things. But once again, this experience goes to show that in terms of food, nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the cow.