Olympics Week: Blame It on Rio: Part II

This week is Olympics Week!! A full week of all things Olympics. From posts about Olympic athletes to posts about personal reactions about the events to posts about the pageantry itself, this is your virtual one-stop-shopping center for the XXXI Olympiad. Why not dedicate two weeks? Well, I’ll run out of material. I’ll probably run out of material this week. Read on and let’s find out together….

Part II

Event Predictions

There is a ton going on this week at the Olympics; swimming, gymnastics, track, and other things I can’t think of right now. So here is another series of predictions from the Spew. Granted, none of my previous predictions came to pass for the opening ceremonies, but I think these will be different.

Here what to expect:

  • The US women’s gymnastics team will easily win the team event, simone Biles will win all-around, she will get on a Wheaties box the week after, then will be completely forgotten for the next 3 years.

  • The US men’s gymnastics team will NOT win the team event because, well, let’s face it….all our better athletes are doing better sports like football and basketball.

  • Katie Ledecky will win gold medals in the following events: 100m, 101m, 102m, 103m, 104-500m (increments of 2 m), all distances in freestyle, butterfly, breaststroke, 100m-1000m (increments of 5) in medley relay and all other strokes, putting her total gold medal count to 150. That’s just how swimming works…

  • Michael Phelps will win gold in the following events: 100m, 101m, 102m, 103m, 104-500m (increments of 2 m), all distances in freestyle, butterfly, breaststroke, 100m-1000m (increments of 5) in medley relay and all other strokes, putting his total gold medal count to 150. Adding those medals with his previous conquests, Phelps will have more gold than the Federal Reserve.

That’s just how swimming works…

  • Usain Bolt will win golds in the following: 100m, 200m, 4x100m. But will only be awarded 1 gold for being the fastest man who ever lived. That’s just how track works…..

  • Matt Lauer will explode

  • Team Canada’s kayak team will win the most medals in their events. However from swallowing too much of the raw sewage floating around in the water, they all die of dysentery when, ironically enough, their flight back home travels through Oregon.

  • Team USA basketball will win the gold medal match versus Spain literally by one billion points.

  • A lot of other cool track events will happen but will never be witnessed by America eyes because the US is not proficient in those events.

  • All equestrian events at the 2016 Olympics are deemed officially ‘LAME’ by the IOC and all the riders are sent home.

  • During the freestyle wrestling gold medal match between Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the Iron Shiek, right before Hacksaw pins the Shiek, Bobby ‘the Brain’ Hennan comes out of the audience and whacks Hacksaw with a chair. The Iron Shiek rolls over him for the 3 count and retains his Intercontinental title.

  • The 2016 Summer Olympics are considered a hit, Rio is universally celebrated for being a great host to the world. Soon after Rio will continue ignoring the horrible poverty that plaques the city.


Let’s see if any of these predictions come true this week!!