Welcome to the 2018 Spewie Awards; an event that is way more important and way more prestigious than anything Oscars. I mean Titanic? C’mon Academy, that pretty much shows you that your taste is that of a 12 year old girl. Yes, screw off ABC and Jimmy Kimmel, this Sunday you have nothing on this!

So without further ado, here are the nominees for Best Picture:

The Shape of Water

A beautiful and emotionally gripping adult fairy tale by the king of this genre, Guillermo Del Toro. I really hope this movie wins for Best Picture at the Oscars because, well, it is by far the best film on their list. Sure, Phantom Threads has it’s haughty pretentiousness and 3 Billboards has national treasure Frances McDormand, but The Shape of Water is the film that you remember. It is the one that makes you feel and reminds you that movies can be magical.

The Lego Batman Movie

Man, I love these Lego films. They are just so funny, smart, and have a lot of heart. Sure, it is not as good as the original Lego movie, but that same humor and feel is not lost in this iteration. You can tell the people they have working on the script really take care in what they do. I wish there were more writers that do that for sit-coms.

Blade Runner 2049

Not only is this a worthy sequel to the sci-fi classic, it surpasses it in every way. The noir feel, the grand ideas of the future, the world building, and the overall plot of the film makes this an instant sci-fi classic. Some say James Franco or Wonder Woman were Oscar snubs, I say this one not getting nominated is the real crime. Much like The Shape of Water, this movie sticks with you, far after you have left the theater.

And the winner is………..

Lord of the Rings

From out of nowhere, once again Lord of the Rings takes the title of Best Picture in 2018. Not even nominated because technically it was not made this year and some may even say it is 3 movies instead of 1, LOTR once again surprises everyone with this victory.

To those critics that question this victory…..well……Lord of the Rings is timeless. It spans well beyond the limits of 2001-2003. And it is a hell of a lot better film than a 90 minute commercial about a toy, a retread sequel too long in the making, and a fish fucker.

So congratulations Lord of the Rings for winning the 2018 Spewie. Wonder who will win next year?