Brunch is a big thing in the Pacific Northwest. I am not sure why, but it just is. There are lines outside of trendy little bistros every Saturday and Sunday around 9:30 every weekend; prime brunch time.

So living in the PNW and wanting to assimilate to the masses, I have gone to my fair share of brunches. It is a quaint experience, nothing too exciting. I guess I have a low tolerance of the mixture of pretension and mimosas.

Anyway, when you venture into brunch, one of the fixtures on the menu is fruit salad. Want an omelet? Fruit salad side. Order french toast? Fruit salad is the wing man. Feel like a breakfast sandwich? Better feel like some fruit salad, because it is coming.

This in itself is not a bad thing. Fruit is generally good, and a minuter of said fruit can be a good and healthy experience. But there is a question about all of this: what is the fruit in the salad?

That is the trick folks….what is the fruit in the salad.

Because every time I order fruit salad here in Seattle, it really isn’t a ‘fruit’ salad.

It is a melon fest.

Yes, a complete melon fest. Melon all over the bowl.

Sure, of course there are some good fruit, like strawberries, orange, pineapples, etc. But 80% of this salad is made up of some pastel orange or green colors. Yes, the color of melon.

Now is this just a Seattle thing? Apparently not!!! While in LA (another bastion of brunch), the fruit salad I ordered there was 80%-90% melon. What gives?

It must be due to the fact that melons are cheap. I think a melon per pound is like 1/5 the price of the good fruits. And you know why? Because MELONS SUCK!! No one likes them. You know why? Because they don’t taste good. Plain and simple. Ever seen an Otter Pop that was melon-themed? There is a reason for that. If people actually liked these things, melon prices would soar. But no one does. So they end up in my fruit salad.

This is really a shame. I mean brunch, the weird hybrid meal that is only created for lazy people who can’t wake up at a reasonable time, is really missing out on this one. Brunch is already over-priced. $12 for eggs benedict, yeah that’s awesome. Why not throw in some more apples, peaches, grapes, or any flavor of fruit that shows up in Jolly Rancher form? Sure it may add a little more to the cost of the business, but your orange juice costs $4 for a half a pint! Doesn’t that cover the cost for a few more pineapple cubes?

Anyway, the lesson here is always ask about what is actually in the fruit salad before you decide to order that or the potato cakes. Trust me, be vigilant. Or else you may suffer through a melon-filled late morning.