Welcome to Gymtime Stories: Part I of a CCXIII part series.

Part I: Unecessary Nakedness

The gym is an interesting place to observe human behavior. The grunting, the smells, the preening in front of mirrors, this is a place where we can see man at his most primitive form.

But this doesn’t explain why I have to see so many hairy dongs in the locker room.

Every time I go into the locker room to get my jacket and keys, there is at least one old man, walking around swinging that dong around. I mean is this really necessary? I mean I am not gay, but why does it always have to be some old out of shape dude who seems way too proud and not a young stud? At least the aesthetics would be not as shocking or mentally scarring.

I have literally seen these men put on their shirt, their socks, their shoes before their underwear. Now think about that last sentence. Their flippin’ shoes before their underwear. And then the conversations they have with the other old naked guy, propping up their legs on the bench with Mr. Johnson just hanging there, begging to be hidden from sight.

It’s funny, it seems like a generational thing. The older the man, the more carefree he is with his package. And this makes no intrinsic sense; I always thought the older generation is far more conservative about sex and the human body in general. And don’t even try to engage them about their thoughts on homosexuality. Yet when it comes to their own saggy body, all inhibitions are thrown out the door.

Conversely, the younger set, who I see as far more liberally with their sexual opinions and fashion, wear a towel to and from the shower, cowering in front of all on-lookers. You would think they would be proud and jaunty about their body. Au contraire.

I really don’t get either generation, and honestly I don’t care to. I just want people to put some pants on.