It is cold outside!!

For the last 5 weeks, Seattle has had temperatures under 35, and most of those days under 25. And no, I am not talking about the shitty nonsense Celsius scale, I am talking red-blooded American Fahrenheit. BRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am no weatherologist (I will not call them meteorologists, that is a silly name for people who do not study meteors), but I have a pretty good grasp on numbers and the like and I believe this may be the coldest weather in the history of the world. I have literally seen polar bears building campfires around my building and penguins with Chilly Willy hats on (and by literally I mean this didn’t happen; polar bears live on the north side and penguins are on the south). You see, what I am trying to convey here is that it is cold.

And I for one will not take this anymore.

I have been saying for years Mother Nature is overrated. I mean six months ago it was hot, and now cold. Really? What kind of bullpoo is that Ms Nature? Stop being so fickle and pick a temperature. People around here still maintain that being outside, eg; camping and the like, are great ways of spending time. It is like everyone is willing to bend over backwards and express unconditional love for Nature despite all these frosty failings. They remind me of Trump supports; can do no wrong.But my love is conditional; the condition that the conditions outside are not of a frigid condition.

For years mankind has been trying to kick Father Time in the nutsack with anti-aging surgery, research into time travel, and Rob Lowe. Well, I think it is time to punch Mother Nature in the boob. Let us finally come to a consensus that inside is way better than outside, come up with ideas on how to better control our environment, and start ridding ourselves from this neo-Ice Age that I wake up to every day. I say build a wall; a big beautiful wall that protects us from all the harsh elements Mother Nature hurls at us haphazardly.

And make Mexico pay for it.