I have simple hair. I get a 1.5 clipper on the sides and back, blended in, and 1.5 inches on the top.

Seems easy, huh. I mean it is all right there. However it seems like the people at Great Clips are not so great with this.

First off, it is important to note that they are the ones that constructed these specs; 1.5 clipper, 1.5 on top, etc. This was honed after many visits where every time they pull my ‘resume’, it read something different.

Secondly, these are standard units. There is nothing ambiguous about 1.5 clipper size or 1.5 inches (the blended part is somewhat vague, but that is standard issue for a hair pro). I mean how can anyone misinterpret this?

But apparently Julie last Tuesday was naive to the idea of ‘clipper size’ or ‘inches’. Or maybe she wasn’t too familiar with decimals, because what I got was straight out of boot camp: a 1 all across the board.

I knew something was fishy about all of this from the start. She had a sort of malaise look on her face and a star shaved on the side of her head fettered by pink bangs. But, me being non-judgmental and all, let that go.

However after we carefully went over the plan on my hair, she ripped into the side of it with a clipper that was designed for Marines Corps use only, and put a dent in my hair.

I immediately stopped her and said ‘whoa! That is way too short’. She said something rather inaudible, but I think she offered to comp it. Eh, I am not that kind of guy; I pay my way. But the damage was done. In order to make everything proportional, I now look like Owen Wilson from Bottlerocket, without the humor.

Yeah, that’s pretty much me, looking like an idiotman with way too short hair.

It is an odd thing, every time I go to Great Clips, it is like a random event. I mean they have the exact specs on what I want, and for the most part they get most of it right, but it is never exactly the same. And every so often, I am the Bottlerocket guy for about 2 weeks before it grows back.

Well, at least I can don a hat for a few weeks. But really, I think it is time to go to plan b; go back to Tucson every 4 weeks and have my previous hair lady do it the right way.