Tis the season to be thankful!!! So to celebrate this spirit of graciousness, the Spew will now list the people in this world that owe a debt of gratitude.
So without further ado, let’s take a look at the luckiest and most fortunate people in this world today. We can only hope they also feel they have flown too high on borrowed wings:
- Taylor Swift:
The fact she can actually make a living with the noise she creates is a mystery to me. She must be thankful that apparently the American listening public either is deaf or has no musical taste whatsoever.
- Jennifer Lawrence:
Yet another big lead role falls in her lap with fellow ‘should-be-thankful-to-have-a-career’ Chris Pratt in the form of Passengers. She has to be thankful for the fact she must have incriminating pictures of Hollywood nabobs, because no one in their right mind should cast her in any prominent role.
- Donald Trump:
Although losing the popular vote by nearly 2 million and counting, our next president is, well, you know. He can be nothing but thankful for the fact that our country still adheres to a nonsensical and outdated system of electing a president formed in the 1780’s.
- Vladimir Putin:
You got your president, now you get to plant your anti-aircraft missiles right in the middle of Syria, despite the fact the only faction with airplanes are the US. Just be thankful the American public is full of suckers who watch way too much reality TV.
Still surviving on the good graces of humankind, these pandas SHOULD show nothing but gratitude for the fact they are not extinct. But they won’t. And they never will. They are laughing all the way to the bank. And yes….I said bank. I am sure there are panda banks somewhere. And also sure there is a lot of mirth at those banks.
- Tom Brady:
God has just given you waaaay too much. Just be thankful for that and stop deflating equipment.
Lucky for you we humans find your meat disgusting. Or else Thanksgiving would look very different for you.
These guys are seriously the weirdest things on earth. They really creep me out. I am not sure what they should be thankful for, I just wanted to mention them.
What an honor for you to have the opportunity to read such a great and insightful content on a daily basis. And for free no less!!!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! See you on Monday!!!