Apparently for the last few months, Mercury was in a retrograde.

What does this mean?

Well, technically this means Mercury (the plucky little planet closest to the sun) was moving in the opposite direction to planet Earth. Of course this does NOT mean Mercury is orbiting backwards. It is a sort of illusion, much like when you are in a car going 60 and you see a train going 50 in the same direction. The train isn’t going backwards, just slower than you. This thing happens about 3 or 4 times a year. It’s all relative.

What does this mean to you?

Absolutely nothing.

What does it mean if you are a moron?

Everything.

In other words, the Astrology community is in a tizzy today because on May 3rd, Mercury goes ‘direct’ (or goes forward relative to Earth), which means you, as an astrological moron, get to resume with your life and ‘move forward’.

Direct quote from an Astrology website:

‘Mercury retrograde can play havoc with your thoughts, communications, travels and electronics.’

For you see, from April 9 to May 2, you were not supposed to make huge decisions in your life or do anything of great consequence. But now, because that little guy in the sky is finally going the right way, you can make huge life-altering decisions.

If you believe in this stuff, let me help you with some of your possible decisions:

• Do NOT buy that house! You will probably be bankrupt soon because your job sucks and you are not smart enough to get a better one.

• Get Married now! Do NOT dump that zero for a hero. You will not find anyone better for you. If he/she can tolerate your belief in this junk, tie the know now.

• Do NOT have children! The last thing we need is more people on this planet that do not think logically or believe in rational thought.

So now we have clarity of mind, hopefully these words of advice will resonate.

Side note: Electronics? Really?