Here in Seattle, boating is a big thing. It is so much the ‘owning’ of a boat that is key here, it is the ‘knowing someone who owns a boat’ that makes this happen. I don’t know anyone with a boat, hence me not boating. But I have never been into boating, or being involved with the water at all. Maybe because I am from a desert. Anyway, I believe in the old adage: ‘the two best days of your life: the day you buy a boast and the day you see the boat’.
9. Playing Golf
Being a middle-aged white guy, I am the target demographic for golf. But I never really liked it. I feel it is a waste of water, waste of good land, and filled with pretentious people who constantly lie about their scores. Oh yeah, it is also really really hard! To even go out on the course, you have to practice on the side just so you don’t miss the ball. Anyway, golf seems like a lot of work for very little in return. As Mark Twain says: ‘Golf is a good walk spoiled’.
8. Listening to Taylor Swift
Why she is popular is beyond me. She looks sort of like a malnourished alien, has zero charm, and her music makes me wish I was deaf. Seriously, her music is absolutely awful and really don’t understand why anyone thinks it is good, much less great. I know, ‘she writes her own music’. But wait! If what you write is poo, then that is not a justification for one’s talent. Hell, want to eat my vomit? I made it myself. Means a regular Bobby Frickin’ Flay, huh? Granted, I am not the target demographic, but still…..it is really really bad stuff.
7. Eating Muffins
I know, right? Everyone likes a good muffin. Well everyone except me. I don’t know why, maybe there is just too much bran in it. Maybe there is an imbalance between the bread and the sugar in my eyes. Maybe it is just too pome-y. Maybe I simply don’t like the mixing of breads and fruit. Regardless, the muffin, both the top and the bottom, doesn’t do it for me. And I typically like bread products. As I always say, ‘the more gluten, the better’.
6. Watching NCIS
This is the highest rated weekly TV show on right now. I know, network TV is not where the good or culturally relevant shows lie, but there are so many people watching, and I assume enjoying, NCIS. I have never seen one episode, nor ever plan to. Mark Harmon is a stiff, the rest of the cast looks so lame, and the premise seems so uninteresting, I can’t see a reason why I would like it. But there are people who not only like this show, but watch it. A lot. I just happened to not be one of those guys.
Here is a big one. Camping, camping, camping. Everyone loves camping around here. But me. I really prefer the indoors over the outdoors. There are many reasons for this. For one, there is electricity indoors so I can watch TV. Secondly, there is plumbing. Thirdly, there is comfort; man made comfort that I really like. I sort of debate the actual love people claim for camping. I mean if you love it so much, why not just live outdoors? Why even bother with a home with a roof if you love the damn outdoors so much? You know why? Because indoors is better than outdoors. IT is just not the cool thing to say around here.
This is one I regret. I just don’t like reading. I know it is good for your mind and all that stuff, but it is just so hard. I mean I like a good story as much as the next guy, but I just find reading as an inefficient way of telling a good story. Movies and TV, on the other hand, is far more efficient. I mean you can thoroughly tell the story of Gone With the Wind in 4 hours. The book, well that may take you days to read, and that is if you are a good reader. I can knock off all the classic tales of yore in a fraction of the time by movie/TV than it would by reading all of these stories. Is the quality of the story still there in movie/TV form? Debatable. Many times no. But more often than you know, the movie/TV realization is quite good. Regardless, I still wish I read more. I would probably be smarter, a better writer, and this blog would be way more worth your time. Too bad I don’t see me reading more any time soon.
The love for hiking, much like camping, is an activity that people constantly overstate to be en vogue. ‘Oh, look at me, I am so active and health because I hike’. Yeah, probably not. More like a pretentious asshole because you keep telling me about it. Hiking is like walking with no purpose. Oh sure, there is some nature out there that may be of interest. But after you encounter this ‘beauty’, now what? You sit down, you look at, and…….well…….what? Look longer? How much longer? Five minutes? An hour? Three hours? Shit, I don’t know. All I know is when I ‘experience’ this nature stuff, I take it in for about a few minutes, then leave. So a walk of about 3 hours that results in a few minutes of ‘taking it in’, well, that’s simply not worth it for me. During that time, I could have been trying to catch up on back episodes of NCIS or maybe work on reading that novel I keep saying I will start.
2. Being in the Sun
Seattle is a place that is known to be gloomy and grey, so when the sun pops out around here, people go apeshit and just take in as much of the sun as possible. But here is the funny thing: Seattle is not that gloomy. Sure, there are long stretches of cloudiness and rain, but that is not the entire year. During the summer, it can get quite warm, and the sun doesn’t set on those days until like 10pm. Anyway, the reason why this is #2 is not because of that irony. It is because I don’t even like the sun all that much. Yeah, I don’t want it to be cold all the time, but I like seasons. I like a little chill at times to counter the heat. Also, I am just tired of the sun. I am from Tucson, lived there for 35+ years. I have enough of that star. I really don’t need more of it. Been there, done that. Now I am ready for some cool weather, especially during the winter time. Also it gives me the excuse to stay home, bundle up, and watch a good movie.
1. Being Active, in General
I guess what all of this list comes down to is that I really don’t like to move around. I like being an inert object that quietly takes space in the corner of the Earth. Moving around, being active, and doing ‘things’ just takes up a lot of energy and time that I simply….have….but still don’t want to use on things like jogging, biking, hiking, walking, or moving. Now don’t you worry, I do move around, every day in fact. I get out of bed, walk to the bus, go to work, move around there, and go home. So it is not like I don’t move. It is just I don’t like to move. In fact, the mere action of typing this post reminds me of that fact. Some may call me lazy, a sloth, or just a lazy sloth. I call it an efficient use of my energy. Why move when I don’t need to? Why not just snuggle in bed and just lay there until you either have to pee or eat. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.