10. Love Actually
Awww, what a sweet was to start this list off. In reality, this is a movie that has nothing to do with love, actually. It is a movie that is about how idiots behave in the presence of lust, actually. This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen, actually. In fact, thinking about it offends me, actually. There is nothing I like about this movie, actually. But this is a great movie to watch with your valentine, actually. If he/she likes this movie, that is a sign that at best they have no assemblance of what love is, actually, or at worst they are mentally handicapped, actually. And yes, I mean all of this, actually.
9. Annie Hall
The preeminent love story of the 70’s, Annie Hall is a funny-because-it’s-true account of two people who do not belong with each other, although they try like hell to fit that round peg into a square hole. I am not a huge fan of Woodrow Allen, but this is a classic and realistic tale of how a relationship ebbs, floes, and then ceases to be. If your relationship relates to anything you see in this movie, maybe time to start looking for a new valentine for next year.
8. My Fair Lady
Voted ‘Best Musical Ever’ by the Spew, My Fair Lady is just plain fun. I mean who doesn’t love to see a story about an older man berate a younger and beautiful woman into submission just because she talks funny? Henry Higgins is an icon for all men in a Spring-Winter romance. One can argue that Eliza and Henry’s relationship is not based on romance, rather resembles more of a father-daughter thing. OK, fine. Regardless, if your relationship relates to anything you see in this movie, you are doing well for yourself.
7. The Notebook
There are three things all women like: figure skating, the show Friends, and this movie. And why the hell not? What woman would not love the story of mentally enslaving a man with your feminine wiles, make him chase you around, make him wait for you as you marry someone else, make him build a fuckin’ house for you, then read to you when your brain turns to goo? Yes, this is a story every woman wants to live. It is just a damn shame that people are more complex than that and real relationships need elements of give and take, not just ‘you give so I take’. Oh well, at there was a happy ending.
I am not sure why this one is on the list, other than the fact I just really like this movie. I haven’t seen it in awhile and sort of have an itching to see it again. Remember the part where Peter Weller was shot like 1000 times? That was pretty crazy, huh? And remember at the end when RoboCop was fired so he shoot Ronny Cox like 1000 times in the chest, spiraling him out of his office window onto the streets of Detroit? Yeah!! Pretty kick-ass, huh? Oh….yeah……I forgot……this is a good movie for your valentine; if she likes it and respects RoboCop’s unique brand of vigilante justice, keep her around.
5. Beauty and the Beast
Nothing says love like kidnapping a helpless girl, locking her up, and scaring her into loving you. Yes, it is everyone’s favorite fairy tale about Stockholm Syndrome, via the lens of Disney of course. Beauty and the Beast is a visually beautiful movie, the songs are fun, and it has that Disney magic that is irresistible. But I warn you, do not try this at home; it is NOT a realistic depiction of what will happen. Trust me…….
4. 500 Days of Summer
If Annie Hall is the quintessential love story of the 70’s, 500 Days is the modern version telling of the tale of love lost. Of course, this is NOT a love story, but a story about love (great tagline, huh). I think 500 Days is a story that all people can relate to, and if you can’t then you have led a charmed life and I hate you. Of course this being NOT a love story begs the question ‘why would you want to see this with your valentine?’. Well, due to the fact that it is so eerily relatable, this is a great film to watch with your special someone and see the probable future of your relationship. So….enjoy!!
3. Brokeback Mountain
OK, so this one is debatable. Brokeback Mountain is NOT a movie about being gay, despite the generous amount of gay sex that happens in this film. This is movie about forbidden love, losing said forbidden love to a tire iron, and not taking a chance on something that will actually make you happy. It is a sad and moving film. And although it is not ‘romantic’ in the lovey-dovey way, it is a reminder how powerful love is and that it is worth taking that chance for it. So take that chance with your valentine, dammit! Or else you will staring at some postcard in a trailer wishing you did 10 years later.
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
No doubt this is the greatest love/sci-fi movie ever created. It touches on love, both the pain and joy of it, along with what is the right way of handling loss. I mean when any of us lose out on love, the first instinct is to erase all of those memories that brought us elation, because those memories are just that now….memories, and pretty much the cause of the pain. But what does it mean to actually lose all of those memories? Not sure, well shit! Watch the damn movie and it will show you. This movie illustrates how complicated love can be and how even more complicated love is when things end. Another heart-wrenching movie to watch with your valentine? Oh nonononono! Other than there is a happy ending to this one (well, sort of), this should reinforce the fact that you two should appreciate the times you spend together and never forget each other regardless of the final outcome.
1. Lord of the Rings
What else would be #1? To limit Lord of the Rings to just a fantasy movie is like telling Steph Curry he is not allowed to shoot any more 3’s. Lord of the Rings spans all genres, and yes this would be the perfect movie to watch with your valentine. Why? Well, it is the greatest cinematic masterpiece ever. EVER!!! So why the hell not? Who wouldn’t want to watch the greatest piece of cinemagic (see what I did there….cineMAGIC….pretty awesome, huh) with your loved one? Yes, I know it is only 13 hours long, but in that short time you will learn lessons about love, friendship, courage, loyalty, and how to kill a Balrog. So this coming Valentine’s Day (which is in 362 days since I forgot to do this list last week), this may be the perfect movie to set the mood for a romantic and memorable V-Day.