America's Team

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I love the Cubbies.

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I have always loved the Chicago Cubbies. Been a lifelong fan, ie: 2 weeks ago, and love the Cubbies with all my heart.

Remember the time that guy got a hit for the Cubbies and they won? Remember that other time when that other guy pitched the ball and the Cubbies won the game? That was so awesome!!!!

Move over Dallas, this is America’s new team; the Chicago Cubbies.

I’ll give you three reasons why I love the Cubbies so goddamn much I can’t even sleep at night:

1. Best fans

They come in all shapes, sizes, and places across the land. Some are fat, some are thin, some are from North Chicago, some have never been, some have loved them for years, some just bought a C hat a few days ago. But what we all have in common is our undying love for the Chicago Cubbies.

I mean look at all the celebrities that support our Cubbies, and we all know celebrities are the best people in the world. They tell me what to buy and what to watch.

Look at Bill Murray, funny man extraordinaire. I remember when he played a mentally handicapped person in Caddyshack and we all laughed at him. It was so much funnier than when Trump did his bit. And when he said ‘he slimed me’ in Ghostbusters, it was so funny I thought I was going to die, become a ghost, and slime my pants. Oh, and when he is on the golf course just begging for attention after every swing, I have to go to the ER because my guy busts every time.

And Vince Vaughn. Oh, Vince. Everytime you say something so deadpan and unamusing, me and my frat bros just LOVE IT!!!

And John Cuzask…..well……nevermind.

2. Class organization

The Cubbies have the nicest players in the entire world. Just look at their closer, Aroldis Chapman. This guy, when he was a Yankee, beat the absolute shit out of his girlfriend. Now as a Cubbie, such a great guy. That is the power of the Cubbies; they can take domestic abusers and reform them to the point where no one even remembers their prior acts. That’s just the type of people Theo and Co. are. Look at the NY Giants and their kicker Josh Brown. Everyone was so upset about his domestic abuse, the Giants had to cut him and the media is still hammering the NFL about their lack of action. But Chapman…well…he is a hero. And you want to know why? Because he is a damn Cubbie and they are America’s team.

3. Lack of Media Coverage

Such victims, these Cubbies. A recent sports media poll estimated over 80% of media coverage for this World Series has been dedicated to the Cubbies. What? Why not 99%? I mean who gives a shit about the other team? Hell, I don’t even know who they are playing. So why should anyone in the world care about the opponent when the Cubbies are playing? The fact that the media, both inside and outside of the sports world, are not dedicating all of their resources to covering the Cubbies is just plain insane.

So all hail America’s team, the Chicago Cubbies.

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