It’s ‘America Week’ at the Spew! To celebrate the birth of our country, this week is dedicated to what I like to call ‘The Greatest Country in the World! Or at least top 5 percentile…’

For those who say this dedication is a week late, I say ‘I didn’t know there was a time limit for loving my country, dammit!!’ So shut up and read on……

I love the Olympics. It gives my country the ability to flex it’s muscle and trounce every other country in the world in sports I don’t even care about. It also gives me the opportunity to root like hell for our fellow countrymen, our athletes, our heroes. Yes, heroes! Men and women who kayak, fence, run fast, swim far, bike a lot, etc are heroes to me. Is there anything that instills more pride in your country than seeing a 36 year old woman from Whittier, California skeet shoot really well? The answer should be no.

However, if the USA does not win the most gold medals, or most medals overall, I will deem these Olympics a disgrace.

You see, I’m all about the winning. If it ain’t gold, I don’t want it. Heck, even my silverware is gold. To quote Reese Bobby: ‘if you are not first, you are last’.

America is not about finishing in second. It isn’t even about finishing third. It’s about finishing #1. We as a country invest a lot of money in sports and we need a payoff from our investment in athletic endeavors like rhythmic gymnastics. If they don’t earn gold, I say make them pay their own fare back. If they don’t medal, throw them all in the water, aka raw sewage, of Rio and leave them in Rio. You see, if they don’t bring back gold, they are not winners, therefore not true Americans. Only Americans belong in America. Duh.

So when you are watching the Summer Games this year, we as a nation need to root, and root hard, for these potential heroes. Our global identity is at stake. And more importantly than that, my own self worth is on the line.

USA!!! USA!!!!