This is the 3rd installment of a 5,257 part series on the Spew: ‘In Defense of:’. This series is meant to defend the helpless, the meek, and the bullied in our pop culture.

Oh Avatar. You made so much money. Yet since 2010, you are largely forgotten. Never embraced by the nerd-erati, never lived on in the form of merchandise, and never even had a sequel (although one may be brewing), Avatar is a film that has had about the lifespan of a fruit fly.

Some of this maybe due to the fact that the story is oh so derivative. Some of this maybe due to the fact that the lines in the movie are sort of lame. Some of this maybe due to the fact that the movie sucked. Regardless, Avatar has not entered our pop culture the same way as Star Wars, Harry Potter, or any superhero movie.

But I think there is something that should be re-examined about the film. Something that we all take at face value yet really should be questioned.

I am here in defense of the human/Earth military sent to Pandora and why Sam Worthington’s character is the bad guy.

First off, it is no question that Worthington (Jake Scully) was a traitor. A traitor to his people, his military outfit, his planet, and his species. He turns into one of the natives (the Na’vi) through some corny brain-melding thing, and pretty much helps the Na’vi in their war versus the humans. Sure, the humans were out there destroying their sacred ‘tree of life’ or whatever the fuck that was, but c’mon Jake! You are a human!! Not a Na’vi. You were sent to Pandora with humans to do human things. Not to do Na’vi things.

Secondly, Jake is a weird perv. The entire situation on Pandora got a lot more awkward when Jake started having a relationship with that other Na’vi girl. And by relationship I mean s-e-x. I mean think about it, who is attracted to another species? Do you want to kiss a goose? Do you want to hold hands with a newt? Do you want to fuck an ibex? Of course not! You know why? Because you are a human being!! But this guy, this Jake Scully, well…..his perversion knows no bounds. Or at least knows no species-based bounds. You want to root for that traitorous deviant, you go right ahead. I’ll root for the humans.

Finally, the human mission on Pandora was quite reasonable. There was Sigourney Weaver and her crew exploring the world for scientific reasons. Very good reason; I think we all can agree. But then there is corporate involvement as well; we were mining the planet for their aptly-named mineral ‘unobtainium’. And how did the Na’vi react? Not so well. In fact, they attacked us like a bunch of assholes. I mean why can’t they share? Can’t this world belong to all of us? Ohhhhh noooo. Not according to the selfish and narrow-minded Na’vi. All of that valuable ‘unobtainium’ had to be allllllll their own. Well that is some shit….some bullshit if you ask me. Why can’t the natives understand there is a 3rd quarter profit goal that has yet to be met? Where is the sympathy for that? Look, the reality of the fact is that the military was sent there to protect we the humans as well as the potential gold mine, or should I say ‘unobtainium mine’, that Pandora has to offer.

The movie vilifies human nature yet exalts treason (and perversion). Isn’t it ironic that a movie with a message of anti-capitalism and greed becomes the highest grossing movie in history….in a capitalistic society? I hope James Cameron donates all of his profits to the WWF and Native American causes.

I wonder if he did…..