So I have been one-upped.

Good show, Mr Presidents, good show.

In wake of my online…say…critique of President’s Day, I was cursed by those dastards on the very day we are supposed to celebrate them.

I will be more clear; I had diarrhea on Monday. Yes, diarrhea. I haven’t had diarrhea in probably over 30 years, yet on the precise day that I ranted about a few days ago, I was hexed with that grotesque gastronomic condition.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in coincidence.

Just like James Garfield, my stomach was shot. I guess you can say I was ‘Garfield’ed. And much like the previous mentioned Republican, I was bent over in pain for quite some time.

So who played the role of Charles J. Guiteau in my day of discontent? (Side note Guiteau murdered Garfield…..jeez, read a history book will ya?) Some may say it was the chicken pot pie I ate the night prior. Others may say it was the leftover lunch I had. Even others may cite the moldy raisin I found under the fridge that I ate before bed. But I know none of those are the cause.

This ailment came from a higher power; the ‘Executive Branch in the Sky’ one can say. Yes, my friend, I blame those spiteful dead presidents who disagreed with my blazing hot take on their holy day.

Luckily for me, my tummy issues are long gone and will be forgotten, much like James Garfield. But let this be a warning to us all; do not cross the Presidents of the United States. They still have veto power.