I never was really into Halloween. Even as a kid, the idea of dressing up as something that you are not but you are sort of pretending you are that but you really are not that and you never will be but yet you dress up as it anyway is sort of lame. Don’t get me wrong, I love candy and I love clothes. But I really don’t play dress-up; going to Goodwill, buying things you will be wearing only once in your life, and tacitly begging others to appreciate the witty idea you had for a costume is not my style.

But what I find the most interesting thing about costumes is that there are some things you are allowed to dress up as and things that are considered taboo.

For example, women get to dress up as slutty as they want. There is no social standard to uphold here. Hell, they can walk around naked and be Lady Godiva and it will be acceptable. Funny, seems like Halloween is the only time women get any with this without having to wear a scarlet A the next day. And trust me, women love taking advantage of this societal loophole.

Another thing that is curious to me is dressing up as Satan is considered typical fare, yet dressing up as Hitler is totally a no-no. Why is that? I mean I know Hitler is not a good guy, but Satan is the worst. I mean he is the leader of the dark hoary netherworld. He is the Prince of Evil. He is the type of guy who would take a bite out of your sandwich without permission and say he didn’t do it. Yes, Satan may or may not be real, but there are people who truly claim to believe Satan exists. So why is OK to dress up as this absolute symbol of hate and evil yet Hitler, albeit a crummy dude, is not Satan.

Regardless, if you do go to a Halloween party, don’t go as ‘normal guy’ or ‘dude with tie’. If the costume is just regular clothes, then don’t go to the party. As I said before, I think dressing up is for children and people who play in Renaissance Festivals, but if you are going to a party, you have to go as something real. That is part of the social contract. Don’t violate it.

As for me, I will be staying home tonight, watching half of the football game (the Bears suck so I won’t be watching for long), catch up on Westworld (btw, watch it, its really good), and hide away from all potential trick-or-treaters, because kids suck ass.