So this past week I was at a conference in Monterey.

When I tell people this, they all say ‘I love Monterey’, or ‘I really really like Monterey’, or ‘Monterey is a place I really really like’, or ‘that place you just mentioned, Monterey, I love that area’, or….well I think you get the idea.

Anyway, all of these lovers of Monterey sounded quite jealous of the fact I was kicking around there for an entire week. But little did they realize……

It sucks.

Oh sure, the scenery was beautiful; sandy beaches, active tides, Cyprus trees, etc. And sure, the entire place felt very lah-di-dah; a place that people like me surely do not belong. But you have to remember that I was not there to crash the rich man’s party or to even sight see. I was there on business. And when you are on a business trip, the quality of your time spent is directly proportional to the quality of the hotel room.

And my hotel room was the worst.

First off, we were lodged in this rustic (aka: old and dilapidated) area situated in the quasi-wilderness of Monterey. Sounds OK I guess. But this place was old, run down, and needed an update worse than my laptop with Windows Vista. To give you an idea of how seedy my room was, every time I turned on the faucet, brown rust flowed out for 3 seconds. That’s pretty ‘rust’ic.

Secondly, I could here every footstep from the heavy-footed tenant above. Granted, not the worst thing, but for a resort, that is sort of lame.

But the worst. The worst. The worst worst worst!! The worst thing is that there was…………….no TV. Yes, there was absolutely no TV in my room. What the hell is that? I know we are not there to watch TV (even though I wish we were), but there is a lot of down time here. And there is no nightlife there at all. So what are you supposed to do when things wind down? Talk to other people you don’t know? Wander around the wilderness with no light waiting to be murdered by a stray trucker? Look at the deer artwork in the room; the same deer artwork that exists in every room? Read? Oh my god!!! This was like living in a prison, but without TV!!!

This ‘resort’ was definitely made for people that are not me. I know they will claim their rustic environment is in indication of their charm. I say it is an indication of their cheapness and laziness. I will be soon giving this place a 1 star review on Travelocity. I only wish I could give it a zero star review, but I don’t think that is an option on their site.