College tuition is going through the roof! As of 2016, the average public school tuition is $24k and the average private school tuition is $32k. And don’t even ask about Ivy League schools….ok I’ll tell you…..$55k. That is a lot of money to pay for sending a kid to sexually experiment and major in Art History.
I mean who really uses their undergrad degree anyway? Don’t we all change our majors about 3 times, get out in the work force, and do something completely outside that area?
So what to do……
No, no, that’s not me swearing at you. That’s the elite training program for students who want to major in awesomeness. For the small sum of $1500 to $35000 per class, you were allowed to entire the hallowed halls of Trump U, become a ‘Fighin’ Trump’, and take courses like ‘Hustle 101’, ‘Intro to Yelling at People’, ‘The Bait and Switch Seminar’, ‘How to Hide Your Bald Head Master’s Course’, etc.
Here are a list of your professors:
Head of the Mathematics Department
Specializes in ‘Cooking the Books’
Professor Vivian Banks
Head of the African American Studies
Note: Department defunct after the first day
Professor Jonathan Katz
Head of Psychology
Officially diagnosed Trump as insane in 2007
Professor Henry Higgins
Head of Women’s Studies
Expertise in berating women and destroying confidence, only to build them up in his own image
Professor Indiana Jones
Head of Archaeology/Being Awesome
Main research centers around searching for archaic ideas to hold back American technology, eg: bringing back the coal industry
Professor Peter Venkman
Head of Paranormal Activity Research
Just busts ghosts
Professor Dr. Octopus
Head of Animal Studies
Plotting to stop Spiderman
Head of Candy
Just one smart fuckin’ bird
This team of educators (along with some real estate charlatans) make up Trump U; a proud for-profit institute with it’s sole focus on the student. In fact Trump U is so prestigious, it does not even need to be ‘accredited’ or have ‘transferable college credits’. Who needs that stuff when everything is self-contained within the barriers of this mansion of knowledge.
Wait…… it’s gone? You mean it lasted only from 2005-2010? Not even enough time to build that solid rivalry with Richard Branson Tech.
Have you ever tried Trump Steaks?