Hello and welcome to Alien Week at the Spew! In order to honor the opening of Independence Day 2, possibly the silliest, stupidest, guiltiest pleasure franchise in movie history, The Spew will have a week long dedication to all things alien.

We as human beings have a natural instinct to fight things. Be it Republican vs Democrat, Muslim vs Jew, Yankee vs Red Sox, GoBots vs Transformers, Batman vs Superman, Newton vs Leibniz, or people who like Lost vs people with taste, the human race loves competition. It is probably the reason why we as a species have had so much success and innovation in such a short period of time (especially when you compare us to those lazy whales). But alas, it is probably the reason why there never will be complete peace and happiness while we are in charge of Earth.

Unless aliens come to visit.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I want them to come to conquer us. The last thing we need is another war. We already have the war on drugs, the war on poverty, the war on Christmas, the card game War, the WAR baseball stat, the hyper-funkadelic sounds of the music band War, I just don’t need any more war in my life. Also they would probably kick our ass.

What I am talking about is a visit of peace. Can you imagine the ramifications of this? Our entire outlook of humanity would change. Religions would re calibrate their positions, the things we value on a daily basis would alter, our perspective on our place in the universe would permanently be on interstellar communication and travel, the NFL may take a back seat in national importance (though it would still probably be 1a). We would finally unite as a people, people of different cultures and religious beliefs would lock hands, marvel at our standing in the galaxy, all the petty bickering would subside and the world would truly be as one. Hell, we may even value science the way we should for the first time.

Yes, we would finally unite as one…..wait for the aliens to sleep…..and kill them. Then we would probably just start fighting ourselves again. After all, we are still human.